Kashtoreth Tales
(c) Robert Reeder, 2003
Preface: This book is a collection of accounts that reveal an ancient and enigmatic alien race. This is presented to the public as a compilation of almost 30 years of study and research of the Kash by members of the World Release Project. While I have never personally had the opportunity to meet one of the Kashtoreth people, these aliens are dear to my heart. This grand civilization has been the subject of study now for nearly 17 years, and I feel that I know them as well as any human from Earth could(1). Much like our genealogists, who are more familiar with their deceased ancestors than their own immediate families(2), I have grown fond of the Kash. My hope is that this translation will bring to others a familiarity and kinship with these strange and wonderful xenomen. They are so very different from us, but oddly similar in a great number of ways. A study of the Kashtoreth can teach us much, in that they are neighbors with commonalities with the human race. Had they not almost completely self-exterminated, the Kash race would likely have continued to be our closest neighbors, and I would like to think, our honored friends.
(1) Of course, the humans from Gueterlon VII are a different story. They lived among the Kash civilization first as slaves, then as an underclass, and then as limited-state equals in a truly pseudo-egalitarian society. They would certainly have known the real Kashtoreth. Some of the mulatto offspring (genetic miracles that they are!) are still living in a remote edge of the galaxy. The World Release Project is anxiously awaiting word from an expedition sent to locate and obtain word of them.
(2) I have an aunt who can tell you the birth and death dates of great-grandparents and distant cousins, but who has never been able to remember her own kids’ birthdays. I told my cousin that if he would just die, we could then celebrate his birthday.
Translator’s note: With the advent of the advanced lingualogos, and additional computational power of the World Release Project services, the Codex Kashton had finally been deduced to roughly 30% in the two years preceding my work on this present translation. Hopefully this work will further the utility and scope of the Codex, and stimulate work by greater minds on some of the more than 12,000 bodies of writing left to decipher. Due to the scarcity of the key, much herein has been omitted or, where noted, simply extrapolated with 'licencia autora'. My apologies for taking such liberties, but it was felt that this fleshing of the outline was necessary for continuity. Footnotes will serve to outline such interpolations. It is hoped that further advances will serve for correction and improvement.
History of the project: The first Kashtoreth tome to be discovered was the now famous "Minor Exploits of Prince Leh of Sand-land." This volume was recovered from a spacecraft crash site in Australia in 1983. Evidently, the ship’s self-destruct sequence was aborted in an unsuccessful last-ditch effort to aright the craft. This was a rare find. Teams of ufologists and NASA scientists worked several months before learning the mechanism of the "book." The highly talented linguist, Dr. Randolph Welton of Bermill University was called in to begin the interpretation of the work. Working with some of the more cooperative alien captives, Dr. Welton was able to sketch an impressive outline of this sacred alien record. His untimely passing came when delving into one of the book’s many "curses." The curse involved certain anatomically-placed radiation microbursts of a most unusual nature. The incident was captured on tape, since the Department Head had recently become aggravated with lab theft and installed a security camera. On the film the good doctor is seen disappearing a limb at a time. He looks quite surprised, and if it weren’t such a tragic event, it could appear almost comical. But it is a serious problem with this particular field of research. A laboratory technician standing in an adjoining room at the time assisting Dr. Welton experienced partial exposure. The result of this exposure to the technician’s head is that he currently experiences a 5 to 10 second delay in visual input, except at certain times during Kash religious holidays, when he is able to see his surroundings up to 90 seconds in advance! Because of the space-time disfractional nature of this curse, many of Professor Welton’s colleagues believe that his body may still someday be recovered. There is much debate on the subject, but many believe he will reappear during the Festival of Shame, a particularly important holiday on the Kash calendar. Perhaps he will arrive the day after the Festival ends (my personal opinion).. In any case, few of us will be around to find out, since eons will pass before the next Festival of Shame falls on the calendar. The particular curse experienced by Dr. Welton is a type of technological "booby trap," of the type that are now taken for granted when working with Kashtoreth artifacts. One must take great precautions to avoid the trick that may exist in the most benign or dull appearing tome. The Kash love to hide surprises, and are the great cosmic practical jokers. If not for a sort of institutional depression that would periodically afflict them en masse, they would probably never have returned from their lofty heights of silliness.
In 1985, work was commenced to translate documents recovered by spy satellites and reconnaissance missions to the Kash system outer satellites. Most of these proved to be illegible, and those few that were translated are of doubtful validity. One wonders if they are not false documents planted for our stumbling, and for their amusement. A great deal of the more authentic-looking documents appear to be tax and accounting audit records from ancient Kashtoreth dynasties. The project was massive, and many man-hours were wasted in literary dead-ends.
The year 1993 yielded a monumental find in the field of Kashtoreth documents. The capture of a Kash spy, together with administration of certain classified pharmaceutical compounds, resulted in the formation of the seminal Codex Kashton. This allowed scientists with the Release Project to begin in earnest the present study. This translator would like to thank the World Release Project and the estate of Granford D. Griffiths for a generous grant to complete this work.
Robert Reeder, June 2005
New York City
Into Kashtoreth Dome stepped five of training
Their emerald bodies glowed
The arena there bestowed the praise
Of thousands possessing lesser valor;
Of Five would stand One more than five together*
*From Royal Library Excerpts, 3105 Kashton MSR (Major Sun Revolutions, reckoned from the dual concurrent supernovas of Calaina System) to 3115 MSR.
The Ascension
When the Great Gryph-noern ascended the throne, following his unnamed sire, (a less lofty and less noble ruler, let all mention of his name be henceforth stricken!), a monument was staged outside the royal palace to commemorate the blessed day. The cost to the Empire exceeded 12 trillion hec, though out of deference to His Majesty, the exact sacred figure was not revealed. The parapet alone cost hundreds of millions of hec, and was beset with the rarest diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and other fair gems. These precious stone ornaments were all designed to depict the glorious rise to power of the Great Gryph-noern. Fourteen royal accountants lost their lives that day, by ceremonial beheading, after revealing to the Royal Court Jester the exact figure. Whereupon he (the Jester) sealed the number in the Vault Eternal, surrounded by the writing hands of the slain, now immortal accountants.(1)
(1)Translator’s note: It is the sole responsibility of the Jester to adjust the cost of the Ascension construction each year on the anniversary date. The total is traditionally adjusted for inflation, cost of living, additional construction, appreciation (royal monuments do not depreciate in value, the thought is grave blasphemy), and a certain extra allowance, always deemed to be necessary by the wisest of Jesters, just in case the ruler makes an inquiry. The noble Humbo Gnar, Jester Mathematician of the Great Yoope-llor, developed a formula for calculation of certain royal figures. Through careful study of previous jesters and Kings, he arrived at an equation that would yield what he referred to (privately) as the Survival Number. Even this he would pad somewhat on the fly if he arrived before a King that was grumpier than usual.
The Great Gryph-noern took the throne amid fanfare and cheers, and received the royal body tattoo, by branding and expert design. His sea-green body was branded with the royal insignia, and decorated with skillfully pierced flourishes of blue ribbon. The Path to Ascension was depicted from toe to torso to the crown of the head. Major victories in battle were inscribed on the right arm to the shoulder, until there was no room to continue. The left arm, traditionally reserved for small victories, was left untouched, since for the Great Gryph, there were no minor events in his glorious life. For this artistic service the tattooist was granted a large homestead in Cuttlain, and a stipend of 600 thousand hec.
Fifty brides, brought from the numerous provinces of the kingdom, were presented to His Highness, adorned in traditional garb of peasants joined expertly to the latest royal fashions, beset with rainbows of pearls and other precious gems.
An elaborate ceremony ensued, and the King publicly demonstrated his virility in a manner most glorious and regal, and received additional worthy tattoos. Seven sons were born 45 (Kashton) days later.(2)
(2)Translator’s note: Partially destroyed records indicate that some genetic manipulation occurred to achieve this royal feat. The sons were chosen because sons are thought to be more desirable. The 45-day gestation period for the wives’ pregnancies was chosen as opposed to the normal Kash 50 day wait in order to demonstrate the King’s power. Also, a preemie is thought less likely to rise up in (successful) rebellion.
An account of the Royal wedding can be found in the Tome Nuptial in His Majesty’s Library. A four-day feast, prepared by the most skilled foodcrofters of the land, began with fireworks and raucous celebrations.
The ascension to power of the Great Gryph-noern did not pass notice of the enemies of the kingdom.
Down from the lofty heights of the Shin-hoeyuen descended Mar-ranah the Firebeast, with five miserable cohorts, to cast destruction and turmoil unto the warriors of the Kingdom’s outpost city of Koth. Pausing briefly at the cavern of his father, the great Xeni-hoeyas, he devoured the smallest of his cohorts, filling the sizable belly with one gulp. The remaining four merely stood guard, and blessed the gods of Mar-ranah the Terrible. The beast released a mighty roar of pleasure and mourning, for he truly grieved the passing of another cohort, whose blood would grant strength, but whose absence would be a great disadvantage. The grim party paused at the Great Overlook Plateau, and surveyed the objects of conquest below.(3)
(3)Translator’s note: In my visits to the ruins of Koth, I was unsuccessful in locating the exact location of the Great Overlook Plateau. Volcanic upheavals are common, and have perhaps obliterated what was certainly once a magnificent landmark. Satellite data was scanty, illegible, and even belligerent. Several satellites are still in orbit after approximately 3,000 years, but their courses have deviated significantly, and the Codex does not include adequate reference to the technical language of the satellite robots. The metallorganic robots are still functional, and in remarkably good condition, but tend to self-destruct or become violent when pressed for information. They seem to be quasi-religious pilgrims of a sort, engaged in some mindless, endless quest. They eagerly pursue martyrdom. Professor L. Anthonies of the Civic Institute has made his life work of intercepting and interpreting the communications of these suicidal sentinels, who are the principal remnants of this nearly-lost alien culture. See his comprehensive treatise, "Hvras-torenth and the Cyborg Survivors", Xenandro Press, 1995.
Koth was a noble and ancient city, founded by the brothers of Detan, and the grey sisters of He’shvah. According to the records of the city, the honor listing showed it was one of the Nine Originals founded in the Beginning When It All Started at First.
Now it is well known that the firebeast must reproduce itself once every cycle of the Minor Moon, and must then devour the third part of its offspring. The name of the monster comes from the great violent splitting that occurs when the beast erupts, producing three identical copies, surrounded by massive conflagrations and explosions. It happened this day that the Minor Moon was near its 76 day cycle completion.
Mar-ranah and his cohorts raced into the city. They had been here before, but always as wisps, and undetected by the populace. Now they were revealed in all their fearsome glory. The populace screamed in terror, which added to the firebeast’s pleasure. The monstrous cohorts fought in a pack, chasing and corralling the fleeing citizens of Koth. Razor-sharp claws the size of sabers impaled Kash after Kash, and they were assembled like meat on a shish kabob(4), to be roasted in the oversized jaws of the firebeast.
(4)Translator’s note: Now I am well aware that there is no word for shish kabob in the Codex Kashton. The orginal text refers to a type of meaty delicacy prepared by juggling farm-raised flightless birds (Omax), and carefully impaling them on flaming swords (the "Dugguauga," rendered here as "shish kabob"). The more adept chefs among the Kash could skewer five or six of the hapless creatures while singing the Song of Eternal Flapping and stepping to the Hot Foot Dance. A good host at a dinner party would never begin the meal without personally preparing one or two birds for each guest. It sounds perhaps cruel, and certainly strange, but the Kash would likewise question with equal disgust our own propensity towards the drive-through meal ritual. The assembly lines of butchery and consumption would seem alien to them, as they would only eat honored food, to ingest into their bodies additional honor.
A now-alert sentinel named Jauga Herin searched for his weapon, and discharged it without hesitation in the direction of the largest explosions and roaring. Herin quickly reloaded, hoping that by firing in such a spectacular manner he hadn’t totally given away his position.. This beast was not going to go down easily. He was on the point of discharge, when suddenly, the firebeast burst into flame. The heatwave blast was terrific, singeing the leble fur that lined Herin’s tunic. Three miniature versions of Mar-ranah appeared from the beast’s splitting, crackling belly. Herin blasted the beast with his rifle, startling the firebeast. The offspring threesome, sensing that 33% of them were going to be devoured, took advantage of the distraction to leap upon the injured Mar-ranah, biting, howling un-Kashly bellows of rage, and shooting tiny baby firebeast blasts of flame from their mouths and nostrils. It could never be proven, but it was widely thought that the threesome formed the patricidal plan while in the belly of the beast, so well executed was their attack. Herin had been involved in a few firebeast attacks before, but he had never experienced anything like this. No one ever mentioned any kind of conspiracy by junior firebeasts. Because of this, he decided to call off the attack being waged against the surviving demons. "Put down your weapons! Cease fire! Let’s talk with the little ones!" So novel was this idea, that the other sentinels under Jauga Herin’s watch were startled into obedience. It seemed everyone was to be startled that day. The new firebeasts took notice of the change in events, and momentarily stopped snorting their characteristic great quantities of blue and yellow flames. The ceasefire was puzzling to both sides. This was going to be new territory. Herin saw that it was now up to him to take charge of the situation. He muttered to himself, "I started this, so I guess I’ll have to see it through."
In times of great stress or highly charged emotion, the Kashton people make use of a gland that converts that energy into a hormone that gives the individual great power. It has some serious effects, so most Kash would try to stay even-tempered. Others saw the potential that the hormone might impart, and spent great efforts trying to distill a safe purified form. It was at this time of stress and excitement that Herin allowed the normal course of events to progress, biologically.................
Revolt at Jzez City
The great hall of learning was filled to capacity that day when Al-lzhyr hara-mel opened the grand Tome Immemorial in the presence of the prefect Lsslibar. The honored guests included the High Mayor of the Library Proper (Jzez City), the Royal Senators from the Odd Houses, scholars from the 17 major universities of Jzez Province, and the three young men who rescued the Tome from the rebel Antoreri. Lssilibar performed the ceremonial sacrifice, by splitting two tree hogs in quarters, with seven swift strokes of his golden sword. The blood of the tree hogs splattered his gown, resulting in iridescent sparkles, and new brilliant colors. The audience bowed in reverence. The Great Ruler spoke. "Let the blood of these beasts remind us of the source of the paper that gave us this work!" To Al-lzhyr hara-mel he said, "You may proceed."
Al-lyzhr began with the preface, reciting for the enthralled, but captive audience all that it had to outline. The reading of the preface took three hours to complete. The preface contained a table of contents that detailed the contents of the tome in greater detail than the tome itself.4
4Translator’s note: The following is an example of this unique manner of writing. In the preface, the god of the Vurins is described in great detail. The tale of his destruction of Ganah is told in storyteller’s fashion, but in the Tome itself, all that is mentioned is the following: "Vurinsgod punishes G." Some have tried to suggest that the Tome is simply reversed in some fashion. Scholars, notably Linders and Schippers, have reasoned that the preface is the text, and the text is the table of contents. Our evidence is to the contrary. To the Kashtoreth, brevity is thought to be a supreme virtue, even though they will often indulge themselves with superfluous wordplay. They are quite enigmatic and their rules of Kash logic are difficult for us to understand. Our evidence is derived from certain "black" interview transcripts obtained from a former U.S. government employee. These interview sessions were conducted with a lone survivor of a spacecraft crash. These interviews yielded seminal data crucial to the decoding of the Codex, and lend great insight to the thinking of the Kashtoreth people. Our theory is that the incessant babblings of the alien were meant by the captive as a twisted sort of insult. Among his people he would certainly have behaved in a more abbreviated manner.
From the back of the enormous library, a shot blasted out, destroying the quiet reverence. Al-lyzhr hara-mel fell to the floor with a thud. The bodyguards immediately pounced on the Tome, fanatical in their desire to protect the work. They left the great honored official to officially sink, bleeding, with tattered flesh, into the plush carpeting of the library floor. He would not recover. The great book was saved that day, though many perished in its defense.
The doorbuilders’ guild carried the Al-lyzhr hara-mel (expired) on the woven frame of a library door. His partially charred corpse was in a state of rigor mortis, so it had been a simple task for the guild members to strap him to the oversized door. Adhesive was placed in strategic anatomical positions as well, further securing the body to its eternal passageway. After pausing briefly at the desk where he’d issued so many fines (and occasionally read a book) they chanted ancient words of encouragement for the deceased, and placed the door into its doorframe. An apprentice slammed the door shut with great vigor and finality, thus entombing the librarian in his eternal resting closet. Al-lyzhr’s widow paid the professional mourners (also from the doorbuilder’s guild), and made her way through the crowd to the mourning tavern, where the grieving went long into the morning hours, until the funerary banquet was decimated and the police visited to escort the more grief-stricken revelers home..................
Chapter of Dust
"Let us now unweave the tale of Meton the Omnivorous," begins the so-called Chapter of Dust. Among the caves of the Drel peoples lived a warrior, to whom were ascribed many great deeds. Meton the Carnivore, Meton the late-named Cannibal, or simply Meton Nan, lived as he was born and as he died- in a pool of blood. This tale is a tapestry best understood when unwoven, according to its revelators. And so they unravel this life, leaving a filthy mess of tattered yarn.
Meton was born in the caves, unaccustomed to sunlight and noises greater than a whisper. Echoes in caves can quickly lead to cacophony if silence is not cultivated. At the age of four stalactites layers, Meton embarked on his crusade to the surface, following the tradition of his fathers. Every Drel warrior must climb to the surface to cause chaos and war among the surface folk in a quest to achieve full manhood...............
In describing the way the charred carrion tasted, the husky troll of a man used the words "severe" and "agonizingly bitter," but he was hiding the fact that the burnt carnage was sweeter to his palate than fermented honey.
I met him outside the fire pits of Nortenie province, where we both warmed our hands from the awful blast of winter. My eyes had nearly frozen completely shut, the result of exposure to the elements in a four hour journey from the valley. I had come to see the holy lake in the mountains, and to seek my fortune with the other miners. I met with the same disappointment as the great majority of miners. The wealth was exhausted, and there was no work, only opportunities to lose the little already possessed. I found out that earlier that day he had been jumped by four Dwindlers and had been beaten pretty badly...............
"I am afraid you have offended the Sultan," said Jeba’s translator.
"But I did not mean to do so", the Silurien scientist quickly pled. "Any offense was unintentional. I am not very familiar with your world and its customs. What can I do to apologize to His Highness?"
"I will make an attempt for you, in The Old Tongue of Deference Before Rulers, but it does involve a formal request for beheading--strictly ceremonial you know."
With great anxiety the star traveler nodded his assent to the request for pardon of his ignorant transgression. "Tell him how very sorry I am."
The translator intoned with great reverence, "Oh Great One, this offender humbly craves beheading to appease thy holy wrath for the multitude of transgressions committed in thy eyes..."
"Granted!" boomed the deep metallic voice of the Sultan.
After the beheading of Jeba and his fellow travelers, the Sultan said to the translator, in perfect Common Tongue, "You are truly mad!"
"Not that I mind..." And so another traveler met his end under the rule of the Sultan.
