Screenplay excerpt

It Doesn’t Just Write Itself
(c) Robert Reeder 2003

Characters:
Fig Newton, aspiring playwright
Caramel Apple, his fiancé and bookstore owner
Patrons of the Ice Cream Avenue Bookstore

Act 1, In a bookstore, ICA
Fig Newton: The way I see it, the thing just writes itself!
Caramel Apple [walks down spiral staircase carrying a box of books]: How do you figure?
FN: Well, I know how plays work, right? I mean, I’ve seen a few, attended and participated in my fair share of regional repertory theater, read some. And I think I have the formula to make it work.
CA: Is that why you quit your job, to write this play of yours?
FN: Of course! That’s exactly it! I need to be able to devote my time to this. I know how to do it, I just need the time.
CA: And that’s why you came to me to work in my store...
FN: Well, it does give one a certain quiet atmosphere in which to work, and the books here may turn out to be terrific resources; it also has this great view.
CA: Do you plan on actually selling some of these books?
FN: Yes, yes, yes, don’t you worry about that.
[putters around with some books, moving one stack to the next]
Caramel, do you want some coffee?
CA: No, but I’d love some tea. Do you want to run down and get some?
FN: I don’t know why we don’t open up a coffee bar in here; a lot of bookstores are doing that now.
CA: "Why don’t we open up" [to herself] - I thought this was my store. My new assistant is overeager."
FN: Hey, this gives me an idea for the play... [writes furiously] ...when the words come, you’ve got to write them down. That’s how this works. I’m telling you, the thing writes itself.
CA: Was Shakespeare’s work created ex nihlo as well?
FN: That guy wasn’t a writer – he was simply a writing machine. He borrowed, cut, and pasted, and didn’t put anything into the work. [CUSTOMER walks over, slaps his face, and storms out.]
FN: Hey, how about that coffee? [CA glares, leaves]
FN begins a discussion, not realizing that CA is out: You see my dear, if you want to carve an elephant, you start with a block of wood, or ivory – wait, that’s not right, is it? – or whatever, and you cut away everything that is NOT ELEPHANT, and you are left with a carving of an elephant. It is the same thing with writing. You just have to do it. You need a quiet place, a good idea, and you need to carve away. Just start writing and be persistent and let it write itself. It’s just that the elimination of the Not-elephant can be tougher than creating an elephant. Does that make sense? [enter CUSTOMER] But you take away the things that AREN’T the story, and voila! you have the story! Ah yes, may I help you?
Mr. Grape, customer: I hope so. Isn’t there a book about a guy, and I think there is a trial, and I think one of the boys’ names is Scout...
FN: Sorry, wrong store for that, I’m afraid, I don’t think we have comic books.